Very surprising news!

I haven't been feeling good at all lately. I stay tired and my breasts have been very tender. I choked it to being the worst PMS ever. Wrong. Earlier this week I started counting days since my last period and I thought, uh ohhhh. It's been like 41 days. Not a good sign. So, then I did the math of when our "uh oh" moment happened and realized it was April 1st and the last "period" was exactly 18 days later. Exactly enough time for implantation bleeding. Which means I could have gotten pregnant April 1st and never had a clue. Todd and I were concerned in April so we took 5 pregnancy tests, yes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 tests over a week's time and nothing showed positive, so we figured we were safe. But, after I told him all the realizations I was having about timing, we knew something wasn't right. So, we went to the drug store and bought another pack of pregnancy tests. He said if I am really that far along, I should have hormones running like crazy so he told me to take the test as soon as we got home. And, sure enough pregnant starts flashing on the digital test. Then the tears started. More scared than anything, because I have not been the healthy pregnant woman I should have been. So, I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and hopefully all goes well. From what I can figure, I will be do December 23rd. I really hate that my baby will have to compete with Christmas, but that is the biggest and best gift I have ever been given so I won't complain. I am beyond scared and also excited all at the same time. The other good news is a lady that I work with (and we also bought our house from her and her husband without realizing it) is due at the same time so I have someone to sympathize and compare stories with. I am trying not to get toooo excited at this point, because I don't know for sure what's going on until I get to the doctor. I told Todd either way I am ok. If I am pregnant, then yay, bring on the baby. But, if I've miscarried because of all the unhealthy things I've done over the last 10 weeks, then it was meant to be and we will try again when we can.

Todd has been so sweet and supportive. I never doubted he would, but it has been nice to be taken care of. He even bought me flowers on Thursday because he knew I was in shock.
We haven't told the families yet. We are going to wait to tell them on Father's Day at our annual cookout. It is killing me not to say anything, but I want to make sure I have good news to tell. Only 2 weeks, it shouldn't be sooo bad.

Baby on hold....plus a new nephew

Well, the baby makin has been on hold for a while. I got a new job a month ago, so that means I am not eligible for FMLA until February 09. But, it's ok because I am making more money and have a pretty cool and safer job. It does make me sad that it will be this time next year before I'll get to be a mommy, but I know everything happens for a reason.

On a much more positive note, my brother and his girlfriend welcomed Dameon Kane *see pic below* into the world yesterday, which means I am an auntie. Which is cool for now. I get to do all the cool auntie duties and then pass him back to his parents for the bad stuff. Not a bad deal. While it is still hard to believe my brother is a father, I am excited for him and excited about my new role.

Welcome to Mr. Dameon Kane!!!!

1st month TTC over

Well, the first month of TTC is now over. I was very sad when I started last Thursday. Even though I had a pretty good idea I wasn't pg, it still stunk to have it confirmed. I also took a pg test Friday morning just to be sure. I guess part of me really thought it would happen the first month like several other people I know. I just have to keep remembering that God knows what he is doing and when the time is right, it will happen. I just really wish that time were now.

A new thing for me

Merry Christmas!Hopefully mine and Todd's last Christmas as non-parents!

Well, as of Sunday, December 23, I am officially off my birth control. It was really strange to not start a new pack of pills. I am excited and scared, but ready to get the show on the road. Hopefully baby news to come soon!!!!!

Baby talk and birth control

A group of my friends and I have get togethers every now and then called our girls night out. I used to be the only non married person in the bunch, but it wasn't such a big deal. But the last of the girls (well, obviously except me) got pregnant recently. Now, I am the last one not pregnant or without children. This is a lot harder for me to deal with. Especially right now that I am ready to start trying. They talk about their kids all the time, which is fine, but it just makes me jealous. It is neat, though, that I will have such an experienced group to talk to as I go through pregnancy and motherhood. But it still makes me sad sometimes. Most of their children are going to be too old to play with my kids by the time they get here. Ok, I will quit being so whiny now.

On a more positive note, I did take my final birth control pill last night. I still have the week of sugar pills, but I never take those anyway, so I don't count them. That means this time next week, I will be completely off birth control for the first time in 9 years. I am excited, but sort of nervous because I don't know what to expect. My body has been so regulated that I don't know how it will react being back on its own cycle.

Christmas will be here in just a bit over a week. I keep hoping this will be our last Christmas as a family of 2. Keeping fingers crossed.

First of many

Ok, I started working of the first of many changes I will have to make for my future child. I have started weaning off the caffiene. This is no easy challenge for me. I love Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Sun Drop. Most people do coffee, I do soda. So, I read that caffeine could make it harder to conceive, so I decided the time to start giving it up is now. I usually have a can (12 oz) DDP while I am getting ready, a can for breakfast at work, a can for lunch, and then maybe a can for snack. So, today I drank a glass of sweet tea while I was getting ready for work and then water the rest of the day. Except for lunch, I did buy a DSD. I don't have too much of a headache right now so that's a good thing. I don't like water, but I have decided I have to get over that fact. I have been guzzling it so I don't get the possible side effect of prenatal vitamins: constipation. I can't deal with that, especially not during the holidays or even TTC. So, me and the water machine at work are going to be best friends for a while. Who knows, maybe this is the start to caffeine-free for life. Ok, that is a bit much, but maybe the start to less soda!

First blog

Ok, I've done some blogging on Myspace but it's usually just random posts or things I've copied from other people. But, I am a lurker on The Nest and many of the ladies there have blogs and they are hard core about it. I love reading them because you get to learn more about people (hmm, imagine that I like doing that since that is my job) but it also helps me to feel more normal because I realize other people are dealing with the same stuff I am.

With all that being said, I really decided to start my blog because Todd and I have seriously started talking baby. And I decided that blogging would be a good way to get my thoughts down and organized. I think this will also be a good to share with the future little baby P.

So, right now I am kind of nervous. I have been wanting to have a baby for so long that it just seems like a part of my never ending wish list. But, now that it is getting closer than ever, I start wondering "am I ready" or "can I do this?" The reality is a lot more scary than the idea.

We are not trying to conceive yet because I have 1 more pack of birth control to finish. But, I am starting to prepare mentally and physically for what's ahead. I bought a bottle of prenatal vitamins tonight and plan on starting those tomorrow. I've started getting a hold of the idea that I will have to give up caffeine for a while (anyone who knows me knows this will not be easy for me.) I am also trying to enjoy the things that I might not get to enjoy later (the glass of wine that is sitting beside me right now or the sleeping late this morning). I've started reading things to do when trying to conceive so when we start, I know what I am dealing with. Hopefully, I will not get so wrapped up in planning that I forget to enjoy the trying!

It's going to be a rollar coaster, I am sure. But, I can't wait!!!!