More frustrated

The 40-week check-up did not go well at all. Ok, it went fine, but I just didn't get the results I was hoping for. Aubrey did fine on the NST. My blood pressure was fine. My weight was a little scary, but still considered fine. Then came time for the internal. Not fine. Still at a big fat 0. No effacement, no dilation, no dropped baby. It's just not looking promising at this point. The doctor said we'll keeping waiting for now and see what happens at the 41-week visit. They are going to do another BPP, which is better than sitting there for another NST. She said we can start talking induction at that time or we might just go ahead and schedule the C-section since the induction could fail with my uncooperative cervix. So, when I go back Tuesday, I might be leaving with a scheduled C-section date. So, with that news in hand, I cried the entire way home from the doctor's office and for a good 20 minutes once I got home. It was just such a let down to be coming back home to keep on dealing with all the pain. Part of me really hoped for some sign that she was coming and that they would tell me to go on over to L&D. Not that I want anything to be wrong with either one of us, but some sign of the light at the end of the tunnel would have been better than just we'll see you next week. So, I'll just keep plowing through the pain and hope that this baby makes up her mind to come out soon. It's going to be a long weeked if she doesn't.

Happy due date to me

Well, today was Aubrey's due date and she decided not to show for her own party. I was not expecting her to, but it would have been nice if she surprised me. I really wish she would get the show on the road because I am in a lot of pain. Mostly in my lower back. And it's not contraction pain. I think the added stress to my abs plus sitting in bad chairs has put a major hurt on the back injury I got in college. It started getting bad on Thursday and has gone way downhill since. I've been working from home since Monday because I can't even take sitting in that chair at work. Working from home is hard, especially because I haven't had a good chair to sit in. I was almost in tears by the time Todd got home from work today because the pain was so bad. I've been sitting on an old kitchen chair or my exercise ball and I think those have done more damage over the past few days. So, after we celebrated my due date with a round of spicy Mexican food, we went to Office Max and got a really good deal on a nice desk chair for me. I hope it will help me out tomorrow because I can't take much more of the pain I dealt with today. So, to say I am pretty miserable right now is an understatement. I'm having a few contractions, and every once in a while, they are painful. So, pain in the front and pain in the back are not fun together. I think my body is trying to tell me that it can't take much more, but I just don't think Aubrey is getting that memo.

Zero

That's how much my body is for Aubrey to come out. I had my 39-week check up today and during my internal, the doctor said my cervix is not ready at all. No dilation, no effacement, nothing. Plus, Aubrey hasn't dropped at all. I think I am a lot more upset today than I was last week. Although the internal didn't feel as bad this week, I am more upset that I'm not even showing signs of being ready for this to be over. I am so tired of being pregnant. Last night was the final straw. I kept me and Todd both awake most of the night because I couldn't get comfortable so I couldn't go to sleep. Then, once I did finally go to sleep, I woke up having to go to the bathroom. Which would wake Todd up. Then, I would have to start the whole trying to get comfortable process all over again to follow it up with waking up again 3 hours later to pee. It made for a really long night so hearing that my body is not ready for her to come out is pretty frustrating because I am past ready. Dr. Gorsuch said we won't start talking induction at this point because it could possibly lead to a C-section since my cervix isn't ready. Unless my cervix starts doing some work, the only way I am going into labor anytime soon is if my blood pressure spikes, I start having any preeclampsia symptoms, orAubrey stops moving, none of which I want to happen. She said if I haven't made any progress in 2 weeks, we will then talk about the induction. Greeeaat. That really scares me because I don't want her to get much bigger because I am scared I won't be able to deliver her and will still end up with a c-section. Ihate all of this not knowing. Why haven't scientists been able to figure all of this out? Why can't they predict when labor will start? I hate not knowing anything at this point. I've been so patient and calm throughout this entire pregnancy, but the patience is slowly wearing out. 2 more weeks seems like an eternity. The only good news I got today, well besides the info that Aubrey is doing great, is that I am the least swollen person they saw today. Yippie. I am thankful to not be swollen because I can't imagine being much more miserable today.

Everybody is driving me crazy. The "you're still here?" or "it will happen soon" comments are getting so old. Yes, I'm still here. You see me don't you. And I know it will happen soon, she has to come out, DUH! Or, everytime I call someone for something totally un-baby related I get "Oh, I thought you were calling to tell me you were going into labor." Like I have nothing else in my life right now to think or talk about except that. I know it's not about me anymore, but sheesh, I'm still here and breathing so I should matter too. I've started being such a smart ass about it and that's not good. I've been telling people "Nope, I am just a figment of your imagintation, I'm not really here" and that tends to shut them up. Combining the "miserable I'm done with this" attitude along with no sleep makes for a dangerous Amber.

Aubrey, dear, this is your mother. Please, please, please come out SOON! Before mommy gets herself in trouble with her big mouth.

And cervix, get it together. It's time to get to work so I can get this baby out!

38-week visit

We had the biophysical profile done today and it was really neat, but weird to see Aubrey on the screen again. She's gotten so big and it's amazing. The ultrasound tech said everything was perfect and they are estimating she weighs about 7 lbs 8 oz, which kind of surprised me. I really wasn't expecting her to be that big! But, of course, that's an estimate, but still, good grief. We were kind of hoping the BPP would buy us a ticket straight to L&D, but I can't argue with having a healthy, happy baby.

I also got my first internal exam today and let me tell you, it's not fun. I was really hoping not to have any internals until my due date, but the nurse said she wanted to check me today. I was pretty tense through the entire thing so she said she had a hard time checking, but thinks I'm not dilated at all, which sucks. That's part of why I didn't want any internals because now I am just frustrated. I really hoped all these cramps and contractions I've been having would have made more progress. But, that can change quickly, so I am trying not to get too worked up. I keep telling Todd that she will come when she's ready, I just wish she was ready NOW!

Things I Won't Miss About Being Pregnant

I am so over being pregnant. I always said (hoped) that I'd be the one who never complained about being pregnant. Yeah, that went out the window with the first round of nausea. While I realize that I am so blessed to be pregnant and carry a child, I was not blessed with an easy pregnancy. I would really liked to have been one of those women who loved being pregnant, but that just hasn't been the case. So, in honor of my desire to start major venting, I have compiled my list of things I will not miss about being pregnant.

*Waddling. This is not fun on my already sore back. I feel like a penguin when I walk and I can't imagine that it's cute.
*Added back pain. Adding a bowling ball to my front side has not helped the back injury I dealt with years ago.
*Not being able to comfortably sleep. I know I will never sleep much again after Aubrey is here, but hopefully I will be able to sleep more comfortably than I have the past few months.
*Sleeping on my side. See above. I am so ready to be able to sleep on my belly again.
*Being exhausted. I know I will be tired from getting up with her, but at least there will be the bonus of holding her while I am tired. I don't think I have ever slept so much or wanted to in my life, even when I was a teenager.
*Getting up to pee at least twice every night. I hate getting up to pee and trying to avoid getting up means some crazy BH contractions, so up I get out of my snuggly warm bed.
*Maternity clothes. Ok, well maternity tops anyway. I love my maternity jeans, but I am so tired of wearing tents, shirts that tie around me, or empire waists.
*Constant pain when I change positions.
*Pelvic and rib pain. I never knew how many bones would move in my body and how much it hurt.
*Not being able to shave my legs or other areas without becoming a contortionist.
*Getting kicked in the ribs or bladder or feeling my skin stretch every time she rolls over. I loved feeling those early kicks because I knew she was there. But, sometimes, it's not fun.
*Being so short of breath. Going up the stairs is a chore right now and when I get there, I sound like I ran a marathon.
*Feeling like a stuffed something. I am just tired of feeling stuffed and stretched and full.
*Gaining new stretch marks. No explanation needed.

Enough bitchy ranting right now. I know this will all go away soon and I would (will!) do it all over again to be able to hold my little girl in my arms. I just hope she decides to get here sooooooon!

Eviction Notice Served

It’s official. Aubrey has been given her eviction notice because it’s time for her to get out! I passed the 37-week mark on New Year’s Eve, so that means she is considered full-term and can thrive on her own outside of me. Now, if she would just get the memo and come on out. I keep getting more and more miserable as the days go by and I am really ready to stop that trend. Sleeping is getting harder. Walking stinks. And I swear it feels like my bladder is getting smaller and smaller. But, Aubrey is showing me no signs she’s ready so we’re just trying to be patient and wait. Hopefully, the wait won’t be much longer because I am really ready to meet this little girl.