The hardest week in my life

It's hard to believe it's already been a week since Aubrey was born. I kept thinking all day yesterday "What was going on this time last week?" Although I am 100% glad to not be pregnant anymore and have my child to hold, there is a part of me that wishes things were as easy as when I was pregnant. Aubrey did very well our first few days home. We had our first pediatrician appointment and she was 2 oz away from her birth weight, which I was glad to hear. She got constant attention from my mom, Todd, and all the other visitors. Allie and Bailey have done a good job accepting the change the house. Allie's main mission right now is to lick her, which I haven't let her, but I know it's coming. Bailey just tries to avoid her, which is ok for now. Todd and I even managed her first bath without too much drama. We even got glowing reviews at our lactation consultant appointment, which made me feel good.

First car ride home


First time asleep in the crib

But, with all that good comes the bad. And sleep deprivation is the worst. She is waking up about every 2 hours to eat at night. And it takes a little over an hour to nurse, change diaper, settle down and go back to sleep. So, do the math means I get to sleep about 45 minutes at a stretch. And Todd gets woken up about every 2 hours. I can't help but wonder if she's not eating enough because she nurses like a champ every single time and still wants to eat that often, but reading all the message boards tells me this is normal. But, normal is not so much fun right now. Especially when my nipples hurt as bad as they do and Todd and I both feel like walking zombies. But, those moments when she just stares at me with her little content face are the best. She has the most amazing blue eyes and I love to just stare at them forever. Until she starts screaming, then I just sigh and start the process over. Another bad thing is when she is awake, she doesn't like to be left alone. Ever. Which means someone has to hold her all the time. That was fine when Mom was here, because she was more than willing to oblige in the holding requests. But, now that I am doing most of it, it gets sort of tiring. We've tried out all the baby equipment to help soothe her, but the best thing I've found so far is my Moby wrap. This lets me strap her to my chest and be hands free, which lets me get some things done while she sleeps.

I keep thinking about that song "You're Going to Miss This" and that's what helps me get through those long waking stretches at night. She already looks different than she did this time last week and I know she is going to change so much more in the future. It almost pains me to think about it, but I know I will miss these moments we've had over the last week. Man, do I appreciate my parents so much more right now. This is hard, hard work.